If The Stars Could Speak

If the stars could speak and converse as we,
what could it probably say to me?
Would it introduce itself by true name?
Will that name differ from what its famed?

Will it heave me with dust and get angry?
Or will we be friends and speak freely?
Will it let me be close and not grow faint?
Will it dim its light so I can stay?

When it speaks, I wonder what its timbre.
It could be deep beyond yonder.
It could be shrill and ghastly, or
serene like deep sea.

Will they speak universe stories of
how all came to be? Will they speak of
lifetimes immeasurable to me?

Will they claim something came forth randomly
or will they declare purpose for their being?
Will they know their mission better than I do mine?

Will they prove and explain a casual domain
or give praise and declare glory to God’s name?

Will they start to argue how time commenced
or begin the chorus of united agreement?

If the stars could speak, I wonder if I can stand.
Will they teach me, and will I learn and bend
who I am?

Habulan

Hindi ko maintindihan ang larong habulan. Sa lahat na lang ng pelikula o teleserye na napanood ko, may habulan. Hindi ko maintindihan kung paano naging kaaya-aya ang biglaang takbuhan na wala namang katuturan.

Hindi ba’t dapat sa ligawan nangyayari ang habulan?

Yo’ng tipong hahabulin mo ang schedule niya para lang makita mo siya. Yo’ng tatakbuhin mo ang kahabaan ng EDSA, masundo mo lang siya. Yo’ng hihintayin mong magka-tiyempuhan kayo na pareho kayong online para lang makausap mo siya.

O kaya’y sa mga ‘di inaasahang hiwalayan.

Yo’ng bumitaw na siya ngunit nakakapit ka pa, kaya hahanapin mo siya kahit sa’n man siya magpunta. Hahanap ka ng paraan magkausap lang kayo o mapatawad ka lang niya.

Ang sinasabi ko lang, hindi ko maintindihan kung para saan ang habulan. ‘Yong aktwal na paghabol na dulot ay paghangos o pagkapagod. Dahil nga iba ang paghabol na alam ko.

Kung sabagay, nakakapagod din naman yo’ng alam kong habulan. Kung tutuusin do’n mas maraming nasasaktan. Do’n mayroong nagaganap na sisihan.

Para saan nga ba ang habulan?

Love is…

(Based on true stories. Identities are classified for security purposes.)

 

Love is when you’re so worked up at what to say for her birthday. It’s being careful not to say anything that will awaken her heart prematurely. It’s when you want to give her something but you don’t know what, because you think she already has it all.

Love is when you walk away because you know you’re not what he needs. It’s when you know you’re the one who did more damage and you know distance and time could heal you both, but he believes otherwise. And he endlessly pleads you to stay.

Love is when you can’t sleep soundly at night until your son gets home. Not that you want to talk to him about it. Not that he’s sober enough to listen. But you just want him to be safe.

Love is when you tell the truth even others won’t. Even if it hurts your best friend. It’s when you know his world will crumble at what you’ll say, but you say it anyway. It’s when you believe that the truth will set him free even if it hurts awhile.

Love is when you stay, even if you’re not able to have the family you’ve always imagined. Or your house got burnt. Or you lost all your savings to a scam. Or when you start to notice she’s not as young as she once was.

Love is when, in 70 years together, you’ve never been apart, but you have to visit your sick brother overseas and you’re leaving alone. And after a month of separation, you didn’t forget to bring home 2 kilos of your love’s favorite grapes.

Love is when you know you have it all, but you give it up so someone who needs it more than you do could have it all. Even if it means letting go of the one thing you’ve always known. Even if it means losing all your titles, your power, your authority, and everyone’s respect. Even if it’s putting the blame on you and not the one who deserves it.

This. This is love.

How about you? How do you know love?

Puyat

Gising na gising pa ako. Paano ba matulog kung tumatakbo ka sa isip ko? Hindi na ba ako makakawala sa tila sumpang ipinataw mo? Halatang-halata naman na pinaglalaruan mo lang ako ngunit bakit parang sabik na sabik pa rin ako sa’yo?

Hindi pa ba sapat ang pait na sinapit mo’t kailangan mo ngayong gumanti sa walang kamalay-malay tulad ko? Ganoon na lamang ba ka-sidhi and sakit ng iyong nadarama na kailangan itong ibahagi sa akin sa dahan-dahang rumarahas na paraan?

Hindi ko maintindihan ang pakay mo. Hindi ko nakikita ang patutunguhan nito. Utang na loob, hindi na ako ang tipong nakikipaglaro.  Ayoko ng ganito. Ayokong nagkakaganito. Tigilan mo ako.

Puso ko, tigilan mo ako.

Asa Ka Pa

Umasa tayo ng umasa.

Hanggang mahulog tayo sa patibong ng isa’t isa.

Hanggang sa isa sa atin ay magkaroon ng iba.

Hanggang sa isa sa atin ay maiwan at tuluyang mawasak na.

Some Things I Miss

(for MF)

 

 

I miss being stuck inside the car, whether in heavy traffic or in a long drive, and the AC’s booming while the rain’s pouring. I miss hearing the tunes from my childhood playing through the radio.

I miss seeing grey skies from the 20th storey window. I miss being face to face with the strange melancholy and slowly feeling the mist become drizzle. I miss lying down on the cold, asphalt pavement while patiently waiting for the drops to come and the storm to unfold its wonder. I miss seeing nature’s light show.

But mostly, I just miss you.

I miss you being in the driver’s seat, patiently wading through the heavy traffic or recklessly speeding in the highway, raining or not. I miss the radio being tuned in your radio station.

I miss you making sure I get to the mountain right away, just before the light show starts. I miss you telling me you like the rain, too. And I think that’s one of the things I got from you.

Sometimes, I wish you didn’t get sick. It took you away from me and the little things we did together that meant the world.

Sometimes, I wish you didn’t shy away when I wasn’t capable of taking care of you. And I wish you didn’t get stubborn and stone cold when you learned someone else drives me home.

But mostly I just wish you won’t die. Not yet.

I’m not ready to let you go yet.

Not like this.