Alive

It’s like I’m living for the first time. I’m finally living for the first time. – This Is What You Do, Bethel Music

 

This is finally progress.

Where there was once nothing left but dead dreams and apathy, there is imagination in high definition and overflowing love. Where there was once misunderstanding and worry, there is peace that surpasses all understanding. Where there was once nothing but myself—my own gruesome habits and degrading demeanor—there is now nothing but His blood.

2015 was a whirlwind. It was a testament of how disgusting my own selfishness, my own understanding, my own sin, is. Never have I fully comprehended the gravity of sin until last year, but it was only this year that I fully enjoyed life—the abundant life—that my Creator has long designed for me and called me to live. Never did I understand freedom—the sane type that leaves no bitter aftertaste or wearisome hangovers— until I let go of the command center of my life and let Jesus have it.

Jesus. He has me. He is the reason I live.

If I did not give my life to Jesus this year—all my hurts, my broken pieces, my ever deepening wounds, my ever opening scars— I would not be alive. I would have left this universe and left a mother weeping, a golden-age couple half-alive, a family befuddled, and many questions never to be answered. I lost all my reason to live when I started living for my own gains, my own pleasures, my own limited ambitions, and my own fleeting heart. The fact of the matter is, I have lived for myself for the longest time without realizing that the only reason to live has been staring me in the face this whole time.

Jesus. He is my reason to live.

Before, every day meant a struggle to survive like I was a cave man living in a concrete jungle. Today, as I look back at every day that this year brought, all I could see is Jesus’ faithfulness. I may be living today because I chose to cling to the only constant reason for living and breathing, but I refuse to say that I chose Him first. I never did. And there are still moments that I forget to. But Jesus is faithful. He always has been, He still is, and always will be. I can never forget all the shortcomings that I have, but I refuse to focus and magnify them. Instead, I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus, for only He can perfect my faith. I cannot get up in the morning and sleep soundly in the evening if not for Him. I cannot train for my unconventional sport if not for Him. I cannot encourage people if His love did not sustain me first. I cannot share this joy if Jesus did not let me experience it first. I cannot tell you that all the sacrifice is worth it if His grace did not make it bound to be so.

I cannot say that I have achieved many things ever since I chose to live for Jesus. I am still stuck in academic progress. I am still living in the same house, living with the same people in the same vicinity, interacting within the same circle. But I am alive, just as He is alive. And that shall suffice.

Thank You, Jesus, for making me come alive.

No. Rather, thank You for living in me (Galatians 2:20-21).

Thank You for Your sweet love and unending grace.

2016, here we go.

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